


Fantasy

by YourLuckyWish



Category: Durarara!!
Genre: M/M, sadfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-11
Updated: 2015-06-30
Packaged: 2018-04-03 20:55:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 5
Words: 4,413
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4114648
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YourLuckyWish/pseuds/YourLuckyWish
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>We all are living in a dream. You think everything's okay, but do you see what's happening in front of you? Everything from the past is either haunting you or keeping you from falling off the edge. Will it all be over? Are you going to keep dreaming, breathing, believing?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Life ain't what it seems

_Winter used to be my favorite season._

_I loved the snow, I loved the cold._

_I loved that when I was a child I could walk barefoot across the soft plump surface above many green plants, knowing that the snow is slowly watering them by melting._

_I loved playing with my parents in the snow._

_I loved making snow angels and building snowmen._

_The repetition of the word 'loved' is due to the fact that now, I hate winter._

_I hate the snow._

_I hate the cold._

_I hate children and their thoughts of fun in cold weather, building snowmen. Making snow angels. How absurd for they are absolutely NOT angels, those little demons._

_Look at them, looking at me with shameful eyes. I'm cold and all they can do is stare? Running away now are they? Their parents probably said to stay away from me, that I'm a bad man._

_Whatever, it's not like I don't know my heart is as cold as my external temperature at this very moment in time. The sky is dark and the clouds are taking over._

_I don't have my jacket and I can see my breath, fun. I used to love that too. I hate it, seeing my breath. It's just another sign that I'm still living in this shitty world._

* * *

 

Plopping his arm down into the snow, the frail man sunk deeper into the icy slush. Sighing he proceeded to close his eyes and wait.

He waited like someone was actually going to help this piece of shit worthless man. He knew, everyone knew, that no one was going to help him. How could they? Word was he was a whore for information. That, and he tended to ruin everyone's life that crossed his path. There's no excuse for his behavior, there was no child hood trauma; nothing of the sort. He was an asshole, there's nothing else to it.

Even so, an asshole didn't deserve something like this. He slowly shifted on his side, causing him to shriek out in pain. His panting showing evident in the cold air. Blood ran from his left eye and he wiped it away. He knew if he didn't get help soon, he'd die. But no one would help him, they just walked straight past. People who knew of his petty existence even spit on him. He was starting to come to terms with the fact he was going to die this way. Was he okay with it?

No, of course not.

There were still so many things he wanted to do in his life time. He has, or, he had money. A great deal of it, he was a smart man. Although, he wasn't as smart as he pegged himself to be. They used and abused him, tore his lower half with no remorse by force. Now? Now he's a dead man. The blood from his mouth ran sideways down his chin along with the blood from his eye running down his cheek, he felt the pain and decided to keep those maroon eyes of his closed while he clenched his fists tightly.

All six of them. Yes, six.

They took their turns with the raven while the brutally beat the shit out of him. Stabbed both of his thighs and managed to slice off the tip of his left ring finger. How they managed to do so as they defiled him is a mystery to me other than the fact there were five others.

* * *

 

 

_I get it._

_Walk around me, that's okay._

_Spit on me, kick me. That's okay too._

_I'm not afraid anymore, mom. You were right from the beginning, I should've listened when you said stop. When you said no. When you said i was a bad boy that didn't deserve anything._

He smiled as his lips grew bluer and bluer by the second.

_Papa was right too, ya know. I'll never stop._

_I'll never stop being a bad boy. But there's one thing that's clear, mom. I am undeniably sorry for the pain I've caused you and father. I'm slowly leaving this world and going to the pits beneath me, so i won't be able to see you again. Funny how this works, life. I don't care anymore. It's over, it's done._

_The past is in the past, nothing will change how I truly am. What I truly am. What happened to me. I won't mope or sulk, I deserved this._

_Did I not?_

He turned his head slowly and took a glance at his left hand that was bleeding profusely. He sighed heavily once more, the wisp of his breath getting caught into the air above him. He hoped it would've been his last breath, he hoped it was finally over. He knew the once pure white snow was being tainted by his crimson blood.

Slowly, but surly Izaya's body was being covered by the new fallen snow.

_They took them, my rings._

_Those bastards took all I had left of love._

_There is no ounce of it inside of me._

_They took it all, hahaha. Is it not funny? My current situation? I cannot help but chuckle at what life has handed to me. I hate it, but it's funny. Funny because I thought better of myself._

_I thought I was one of the strongest men in Ikebukuro. One of the strongest in Japan. I could stand along side the leader of Japan, now..? Now I can't. I could, but I can't. Because these douche bags were too horny. They were looking for a quick and easy good fuck, so why not fuck someone like me. Big boys don't cry. I don't cry. Because I'm strong. Stronger than any physical strength out there. I'm stronger than any powerful force. I'm stronger than him._

_I'm stronger than..._

 

"Shizu-chan..."


	2. Everything's a mess

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Many people have gone through a phase called "denial'. The question is, how far are they willing to deny themselves from seeing the truth in front of them?

The shoes that crunch against the snow are the shoes of man who can crunch boulders with his bare hands. Stepping out of the coffee shop and into the darkness of the early winters night, he pulled out a pack of cigarettes from the back pocket of his black tuxedo pants.

Scrunching his nose he pulled one out and placed it in between his lips before lighting the end. He continued walking along the snow covered sidewalks of Tokyo. Taking a long drag from his cigarette, the blonde then released the smoke into the cool air.

Shizuo pushed his newly dyed blonde locks back and glanced around at the other people walking around him. And seeing what kind of neighborhood he was in, he was sure they were out for something.

Whether it be drugs, sex, or someone to beat the shit out of; he could tell it was all pretty shady. Even though Shizuo was smarter than people pegged him for, he was still not the brightest of stars. So when he continued to walk through this part of town and accidentally ran into a large, bald, foreign Italian man, and not apologizing; you could see where many things could go wrong.

But Shizuo wasn't smart enough to see those things. Until the Italian man came from behind and held Shizuo at gun point is when the idiotic blonde knew his predicament.

"Why don't you hand me your money for compensation and apologize to me? Then maybe I'll think about whether or not to blow your fucking brains out." The stranger said in Japanese, although his native tongue protruded through his words.

Shizuo stood still with his cigarette hanging loose from his mouth. Glancing back at the tan skinned man, his jaw clenched. He quickly turned around and grabbed the arm that held the gun, squeezing it excruciatingly tight; enough to break bone. The man of Italian descent's blood curdling scream and instinctive pull of the trigger is what led Shizuo to the present.

Gripping onto his bleeding shoulder and stomping heavily into the snow, he glared through his dark glasses. He was grinding his teeth against the still lit cigarette in his mouth and he was putting as much pressure on the profusely bleeding hole as much as he can.

 _It doesn't hurt me. I fucking know it doesn't hurt me. I know it's weird that it doesn't hurt. I know it's weird that it's bleeding. I fucking know god dammit so why are all of you assholes staring at me_.

_Why are you judging me?_

_Why do you not see me as a living creature?_

_Why THE FUCK do you NOT see me as a human?_

_Why do you see me as a monster?_

_Why?_

_You know what screw you._

_Keep poisoning the minds of your children. Keep telling them lies. Keep saying things against humanity and keep bringing in religion like its going to make anyone fucking feel better. All you've ever done was judge. All you've ever done was degrade humans for not believing in what you do._

_We're all different yet we're all the same._

_Why am I thinking all of this philosophical bullshit. This sounds like something Izaya would say-_

_Ew, Orihara._

* * *

 

Sighing out the last puff of smoke he threw the cigarette onto the ground and stepped onto it, putting it out. He was exhausted. Tired. And that irritated him. It irritated him that he couldn't get the sleep that he wanted. Rubbing his tired eyes angrily, he slipped onto his back harshly with a loud grunt. Shizuo sat up and rubbed his now pulsing head, and opened his eyes.

He saw something, a mass under the snow. He raised an eyebrow to the lump before he walked over towards it and squatted near it. He reached down and slowly began to lift the snow off of it. Cupping the icy coldness into his hands, he saw clothing. Realizing it was a person he rushed to uncover them.

He stopped though, stopped when he saw the blue lipped pale face of his enemy. It didn't faze him as much as you would think. He wasn't very shocked when he saw the blood of his worst enemy mixed into the snow. He wasn't shocked seeing dry blood caked onto Izaya's face. Shizuo unemotionally looked at Izaya and slowly picked up a handful of snow before plopping it back onto Izaya's face. He stood up steadily and began to walk away.

Stomping through the snow on the side walk, he bumped shoulders with a bystander.

_It's just Izaya._

_He's not that important to this earth._

_He's a horrible human._

_He deserved what happened to him._

_He caused so many people heartache._

_He deserved being beaten._

_He did not deserve happiness._

_I hate him._

And that's when he stopped.

That's when he stopped, and turned back around.


	3. All this sorrow we have seen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> People hate, even despise, other people. We dislike others for specific reasons, some not given to us. But, is there a line that we draw our hate? Is there some untold love that we sacrifice for another whom we dislike?

It was cold, very cold. The room smelled of disinfectant and pity.

All four walls were a depressing white that made up a room with a twin bed.

I'll have to inform you the room was unoccupied at this very moment. The occupant has not yet stepped foot in this room, let alone lay upon its bed. You're probably wondering the said occupant's whereabouts. Well, he's currently put under due to surgery. The operating room was colder than the patient's room. Freezing in fact. Three doctors huddled around the undergone man. A nurse at the side slowly closed a white case that was full of tiny baggies and tools. He picked it up and stepped out of the OR while the doctors and nurses finished stitching the beaten man up.

Pulling off the latex gloves, the brunette doctor took a step back saying:

 "Okay everyone, good work. Everyone can go home for the night." He smiled, although no one could see it because of the operating mask. He slid Izaya onto a gurney and rolled him to his room. Easily picking up the light raven without any help, he laid him onto the neatly made bed. Pulling the covers over him, he smiled more and stepped out of the room, shutting the door softly.

Turning to walk back to his office he ran into something-

More like someone. It was a tall blonde man taking off his blue tented sunglasses. "Excuse me," He started roughly, "But do you happen to know where an Izaya Orihara's room is?" The doctor's smile faltered slightly before he responded to the brute man.

"Ah yes, Izaya is a patient of mine. He's resting as we speak. We just finished performing surgery on him. His room is 262 for whenever you'd like to visit him, although; visiting hours end at 9 tonight." He chirped.

"I don't plan on staying that long, but thank you Doctor… Erm."

"It's Nagiski, Enz Nagiski." Enz finished for the man, holding out his hand for the man to shake as he peered at Shizuo with his piercing blue eyes.

With a shake of the doctor’s hand, Shizuo proceeded to walk down the hospital halls looking for room 262. Looking left, right, then left again, Shizuo's footsteps stopped. His face had been as emotionless as when he had found the informant buried under the snow. He stood facing the door, staring at it.  He hesitantly lifted his hand and grasped the door knob, slowly twisting it open. Once he opened the door, he caught a cool draft and the sounds of beeping. He stiffly stepped into the room and shut the door before he froze.

_What am I doing?_

_Why am I here, why did I even save his pitiful ass?_

_It was a waste of my time._

_He deserved it._

_He deserved everything he got for ruining my life._

_For ruining the lives of others._

_He's a sick person._

_He's twisted._

_He should just die-_

"Hello? Are you a family member of Mr. Orihara?" A nurse walking in suddenly said, interrupting Shizuo's vicious thoughts.

He couldn't think fast enough so all that came out was, "Uh, yeah." The nurse smiled and picked up Izaya's chart off of the end of his bed.

“Are you a brother of his or…” She asked quietly.

“I’m his, uh, Cousin. On his mom’s side.” He stated all too quickly.

"Ah, I see. Well, would you like to know what happened to him sir..?" She said softly before she looked up from the chart. Shizuo nodded slowly, the nurse then holding the clipboard to her chest and patting the ex bartender's shoulder. "Let's let him rest, shall we?" She said as she walked out of, the now, occupied room. Walking shoulder by shoulder down the hallway, the nurse and Shizuo stopped by the waiting room. "Would you like to have a seat, sir?" She asked.

"It's Shizuo, and I'm fine." He sighed, wanting this talk to be over with. He didn't care what happened to Izaya. The only thing he cared about was wishing that he was the one who had done it and, well. Wishing he hadn’t come in the first place.

"Right, Shizuo, I'm sorry. Your cousin was beaten severely. The tip of his right fore finger was cut straight off; his left set of ribs was smashed in causing two of them to puncture his lung. We successfully removed the ribs. One of his eye's was smashed in and we won't know how it's functioning until he has woken up. There were many bruises and scratches scattered across his body. He surprisingly was not suffering from hyperthermia considering how long he had been in the snow." She took a deep breath and flipped a page over on the clipboard. She looked up at the tall man who has started to listen intently. "Are you sure you don't want to sit down? This next part is particularly disturbing…" She stated.

Breathing heavier than he was before, Shizuo shook his head and crossed his arms. "You can keep going.."

She slowly nodded and read off of the clipboard once more. "From the damage we saw was done to his body we decided to perform a rape kit-"

"A what?" Shizuo interrupted, his eyes widening.

"A rape kit." She confirmed.

"Are you saying he was… Uhm."

"I'm sorry to tell you this, but your cousin was found with at least four different types of DNA. Four or possibly more men have raped him. Of course the evidence was saved and the Federal Bureau of Investigation was informed so that they could contact special victims. Doctor Nagiski is a special victim's doctor and he has told detectives that he will call them as soon as Orihara awakens. I'm really sorry, Shizuo." She finished, reaching up and patting his shoulder. She walked away, leaving Shizuo with his thoughts. Uncrossing his arms, he turned around and walked out of the exit door of the hospital. Processing everything the nurse had told him. The beatings, the rape. All he could think was...

_He deserved it all._


	4. Led me to believe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A scientist of color. She knew everything there was to know about how colors worked and how people saw them. She locked herself away in her room. A room full of grey. Shades and shades of grey. Until one day, someone brought her out of her grey room, and she saw color. She saw color for the first time, and she cried.
> 
> Knowledge,
> 
> Experience.

In the faint distance a ringing phone could be heard, but not answered. The sound of an answering machine echoed throughout the almost empty room. One beep, then another. And that's when an annoying voice sounded from the speaker.

"Hey Shizuo, it's Shinra! Celty and I will be back from our vacation tomorrow morning! Just thought we'd let you know." Shinra finished and another beep was sounded, along with an angry groan. He sat up from his bed and looked at the digital numbers sitting on his night stand. He couldn't think of Tom, his job, not even his brother. All he could think about was the little insect that he had found buried underneath the snow on the sidewalks of Ikebukuro.

_How did it happen?_

_Who did it to him?_

_Why did they do it to him?_

_Why did they do_ that  _to him?_

_Maybe I should visit him._

_Maybe he really did deserve it._

_No, he did deserve it._

_He deserves everything coming to him._

* * *

 

He breathed out a discontented sigh and quickly got dressed. Stepping out under the cloudy winter skies, he pulled on his coat and briskly stepped down the steps of his apartment building. He had intended to go to work that day, but his legs carried him to the hospital which Izaya resided.

He had no intention of revisiting the beaten battered man in the hospital. He was confused on why he was there. He sighed and ran his fingers through his blonde hair, brunette roots becoming exposed.

"Shizuo Heiwajima?" A familiar voice called to him. Shizuo stopped before he even touched the door to Izaya's room and turned around.

"Nagiski." Shizuo stated, his brow furrowing as he situated himself.

"Oh, don't be so formal. Call me Enz." Enz smiled, waving off the formality in the blondes voice. " I've come to check up on Izaya-san, but it looks like I'm not the only one." Enz smirked and opened his patient's door.

Glaring slightly, Shizuo ignored the man's comments and followed him into the room quickly. "Has he woken up yet?" He hesitantly asked, sitting down on the chair next to Izaya's bed.

"He was heavily sedated after the surgery. In all honesty, I'm not worried about his physical condition. I'm more worried about his mental one. When he wakes up, what I fear the most is how he will cope with what happened."

"What about his body? Is there anything that will permanently damage him physically?" Shizuo asked, not sounding too worried.

"What concern me most about his physical state is his eyes. One of them was smashed in and we won't know if it will be operable until he awakes. The damage was so severe on the tendons in his left eye, I'm sure it effected the right one as well, unfortunately. It'll be more of an emotional toll on him considering how vicious his attack was." Enz stated.

"Are you saying there's a possibility he'll end up blind?"

"A very high one, yes." Enz pushed his chocolate brown locks back as he stood next to Shizuo and Izaya in the silence. “Maybe we should let him rest?” Enz suggested, patting the brute on his shoulder after Shizuo nodded,

As soon as both men were making their exit, a blood curdling scream erupted from behind them. They both turned around and saw the informant's eyes wide open. He was clawing at his face, his right eye darting around the room. He had pulled off the bandages on his eyes in attempt to see where he was, only to see darkness. The right eye gave off a bloodshot look while the other was something Shizuo had never seen in his twenty five years of living. It was hollow; there was no eye where one should be. The eye socket was dripping blood and drainage fluid, even more due to his tantrum.

It was dark.

"WHERE AM I?" He screeched, pulling at his hair and attempting to get up. Enz ran towards the broken man and tried to help him, only to be shoved away. "DO NOT TOUCH ME. DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME." His voice was raspy, but loud. A nurse ran into the room with a security guard as a safety precaution.

Shizuo gritted his teeth and stepped over to the ticking time bomb. He lifted the screaming man and slammed him, surprisingly soft, onto the bed. "Izaya, shut the hell up and listen to me-"

Shizuo was cut off by Izaya's venomous words, "I'll fucking slaughter you, and those men, like the swine you all are." He breathed out heavily, trying to shove Shizuo off of him.

"Izaya." Shizuo said coldly, stopping the smaller man's movements. "It's Shizuo, you're in the fucking hospital. There's nothing over your damn eyes so stop scratching your face. The bastard that raped you blinded you. You can't see." Shizuo huffed out, letting the raven go. Not before Izaya could whisper something. "What was that?" Shizuo asked a bit irritatingly.

"Not bastard," Izaya started, staring off into the distance. "Bastards."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for not updating in quite awhile, i was sick and wasn't up for much :c   
> Thank you all so much, you have no clue how much everyone's support means to me.


	5. I wanna dream

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If it's real, it hurts like hell.

"It's too late now." Shizuo said quietly. "They did as they pleased with you, what's done is done. You can't change what happened to you Izaya."

Izaya broke out into laughter and scoffed at the blondes words. "Yeah, you're right. I can't change the scars on my body they have so generously given me. I can't change the fact that they used me as a source of pleasure, and I sure as hell can't change them blinding me. I bet that Shizu-chan loves that, doesn’t he? He loves what I’ve become.”

Shizuo glared at the man sitting in a hospital bed. “Yes, Izaya. At first, I was the happiest man in the world. I was happy that my worst enemy got what he deserves. But now? Now I pity you. I feel sorry for you Izaya. And guess what? I am sorry.” Rolling his eyes the blonde man stepped up in front of the blinded man. He sighed and slowly ran his fingers through Izaya’s black hair.

Izaya flinched, his face growing hot. “What are you doing, Shizu-chan?”

“Take it as an apology.” Shizuo stated, removing his hand from the others head.

“You’ve already ‘apologized’.”

“Not for high school, not for the past ten years.”

Izaya’s eyes widened at the man’s words. “Yeah, well. I’m not all too sorry.”

“I didn’t expect you to be.”

Izaya sat there on his bed, looking off into space. "Get out." He demanded. "Get out of my fucking room, I'll know if you've left or not. I'm blind, not deaf."

“Alright. I’ll see you tomorrow, Izaya.” Shizuo said softly. Hearing the shuffling of feet and the click of the door closing he laid back down on the white sheets.

Closing his eyes, he could feel the warmth of his eyelids. He wondered how he looked to the beast, his doctor, and the nurses. To everyone.

Did he look weak?

_Did I look weak?_

_Did I look disgusting?_

_What do my eyes look like?_

_What do the cuts on my skin appear as?_

Sighing, he felt for his IV.

_I'm nothing to nobody._

_That's okay, I'm something to me._

_They can choose to see me as a victim._

_Shizuo can choose to see me as a monster._

_A monster that deserved all of this._

_A monster he chose to pity._

_It's fine, I'm okay._

_I'm not alone, I have myself as company._

He smiled to himself, gripping onto the tube in his arm. He took deep breaths, and those breaths turned into rapid breathing as he yanked the needle out. He started to feel dizzy and his EKG started beeping louder. He opened his eyes and shoved the needle deep into his eye socket.

Blood pouring down his cheeks and different medications running into his brain.

  _Shizu-chan was right._

_I won't be able to survive._

_I thought I was strong._

_I thought I could be the strongest._

_I thought I was stronger than Shizu-chan._

_Since I'm not the strongest anymore, I can cry._

He felt hot tears drip off of his cheeks and onto his the sheets, turning around to lay on his stomach. He pulled off the clip that was on his finger so that the beeping would stop. He started to sweat as he felt his hot breath against his skin. It hurt, it hurt a lot. His body was trembling, his hands shaking.

_I wish I could've seen everyone's face one last time._

_Even Shizu-chan's._

_I wish I traveled more, I had the money. Why didn't I do it?_

_I wish I learned to swim._

_I wish for so many things._

_But, right now._

He swallowed the saliva building up in his mouth as his rapid breathing came to a stop.

_I want to dream._

_Leave me to dream._

Enz slowly pushed open the door to Izaya’s room and stepped in, “Izaya, I you’re you said to leave-“ He stopped when he saw the bleeding man in front of him. Sighing, he pulled out a slip of paper from his coat pocket. Picking up the phone on Izaya’s night stand, he dialed the number that was written on the slip of paper.

"Yes, is this Shizuo?" He asked softly.

" _Uh, yeah this is he. Who’s this?_ " Shizuo questioned;

“Hey, this is Enz.”

 _“Oh, Izaya’s doctor. What’s up?”_ Shizuo started, making light conversation.

“I’m sorry, Shizuo, but Izaya has passed.” Enz treaded.

 " _This… This is a trick, isn't it?"_

"I'm sorry, but this isn't a trick. If you're interested in details, come to Ikebukuro hospital. I'm terribly sorry for your loss."

" _But I_ _just saw him-"_

"I'm sorry for your loss." He restated, hanging up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!   
> This /is/ the last chapter.   
> If you'd be interested in a sequel, let me know!  
> Thank you so much for reading.


End file.
